I just feel like ranting a bit. It doesn't have much to do about makeup, but it does have to do with well being...and I am sure that down the line somewhere it affects "beauty".
You know those days, when you wake up, look in the mirror and either
a) WALK away as fast as possible because you feel your blood boil
b)Stand there and asses the situation that in fact YES you look like shit
Either way for ME it ends the same...I get so upset and angry that I walk to the kitchen and make some nice calorie filled breakfast to crawl back in bed with.
That's it, I am set for the day. Just another day of total lack of enthusiasm and motivation.
They say it takes 90 days to make and break a habit...I know I have made a terrible habit by now...When did this happen? A few years ago I felt so good about myself...and I felt like it showed as well...I felt like my skin was great too, meaning I hardly even noticed any of my past acne scars or anything.
Now it's like...eww. Where is that girl who worked out every day, was up for a challenge and felt good about herself? Where the heck is she and when is she getting back?!
Now, I don't know how it is for you all, but for me I don't get motivated easily. I'm lazy, I like food preferably sweets,and carbs...Junk food in plain english, and looking at images of models and society "ideals" does not make we want to change or make changes. It has no effect on me...maybe because I just am focused on the face and makeup so much, or perhaps I have learned over the past 10 years that no one is perfect and even models aren't perfect...I'm so used to them.
I think I like to play the blame game. Blame lack of motivation on lack of money, living conditions,work, " I don't have anything to wear", my hair is nasty,my skin is nasty...etc
The only way I know I will get fit again is if firstly I have a home gym and secondly I get angry or I want something very much, so much that I don't even think about anything else... and they only work together.
It's a rare combination. Overall whoever knows me will say I am more than content and stubborn as hell. So for me to get angry, it takes a lot , equally for me to want something so much that it takes over everything else in my life ( I am stubborn in my ways that I usually find a way to get what I want because I know if it's unrealistic I don't even bother...hence the fact I usually get what I want ) it has to be something that I know I will have and get but I just have to put a bit of effort.
Also the home gym thing...let's just say I don't see it happening when I have to share a flat with other people...no space and I am sorry but I would be mortified. I can't help it. AAARGH!!! Now you see my dilemma!
Then comes the next part. When others get involved. I hate it. When others remind me of living and eating healthy , I know they mean well but it just makes me even more demotivated! I OBVIOUSLY know when I am not doing or living the best health lifestyle... I KNOW I own a mirror and I have eyes...and every time I eat some lovely cheese or a yummy cookie I think I shouldn't but I want it! It's the only happy thing I have at that moment! I need more happy stuff in my life. I need to be constantly happy. Is that selfish? Many people are in a much worse position than I am...why am I moaning?! I come from a good family actually a great one...(ok it's not perfect, everyone has issues and things but it is actually a pretty great family), I have lived in many cool places, worked in many exciting events, I'm not a complete idiot and I know what I am doing at least... I also am happy in my personal life...I am just not happy in my mind. I'm not depressed or anything I know that...
I think I'm just fed up and just a bit off track.
Arrgh!! Why??? Why am I where I am? Why do I feel like others are so much more ahead? I hate them.Okay I don't hate them I just will admit I am envious and this is what I think then eventually ties into beauty. No matter how much foundation or cream or what brushes you use or whatever...if internally you are off... you will be off. It shows in the mirror. I hope it doesn't show when others see me at least. Actually I am sure it doesn't! Everyone is so insecure all the time and so preoccupied with their own flaws we never notice the other person's flaws. I know that's a fact after working in an industry where I am like 5 inches away from someone's face and they will say their skin is horrible, then I point out my "war wounds" and they'll be like "Oh I didn't even notice"...I know people don't notice my flaws as much as I do... but I do and it makes me mad and irritated and angry. IS THAT SELFISH???
So what to do next is my question...what to do? Sulk in my pjs all day long? Make excuses?Wait to have constant happiness in my life so I don't feel the need to eat/buy/indulge in momentary happy impulses?
It takes 90 days to BREAK and MAKE a habit...
TOMORROW will be day 1.
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